RUN, MERVYN, RUN

Just exploring and minding my own business, when I hear clumping behind me...

Blizzard makes mistakes too! ..and funnies.

This is a small collection of rants and suggestions/answers by Blizz employees. enjoy!


WTB sex change?


Meat wall?

Can my image have a helmet please? He is speshel.

I always thought Ansel was the best functioning drunk... perhaps not.

...more funny to come

News from Lich King

STOP! If you are looking for something funny leave this thread.

The TI times staff has officially stopped strike! Well at least I have. Mervyn is still stuck at level 73 QQing about how nerfed his class is.

Now onto the good stuff!

Lich King is the second expansion released by Blizzard entertainment. It delves much deeper into the lore of the World of Warcraft series and for the most part is beautifully done. Some highlights include:

* More interaction with the world surrounding you. This includes siege weapons, introduction of the death knights and lore, a darker game setting and an overall better way of incorporating you into the lore.

* The ability to level to 80. duh! Time to grind again!

* The introduction of many new instances. Yeah, this is not really news. However, did I mention that most of the new instances only take about 45 minutes? Yeah. Much better design in my opinion.

* New 10 and 25 man dungeons. Well... not really. Naxx is the start of your progression. Lots of fun in there!

* New spells and abilities that will blow your mind... and some that wont. Some will melt your mind! Literally.

* Pet and mount tabs. Thank you sweet baby Jesus.

* Shadow effects finally introduced. They take the game to a whole- nutha - level!

* Death knight starting area rocks!

* Inscription will allow for more spec/class diversity.

* Most 51 point talents are really well designed.

* All tanking classes/specs will be able to tank endgame! (Hopefully. This is still being worked out!)


So much more is being implemented. I will leave you guys with this while I go back to choking my chicken. Hopefully that will get some creative juices flowing...














with the newly implemented leash for pets. Geez guys! Get your minds out of the toilet!

Are you an iLoser?

Do you or have you ever:

• Said double you tee eff, oh em gee, or roflcopter?
• Ever said gold instead of dollar?
• Found yourself doing the night elf dance
• Played video games at work
• Watched youtube videos of video games at work
• Talked to coworkers about how you pwn noobs and melt faces

If you have answered yes to any of these questions I have a solution for you

For the low low price of $0.00 per month you can experience the most outstanding new game on the market: World of Lifecraft. Along with billions of other players you can interact in a glorious 3d world. Like it's digital brethren, World of Lifecraft offers many features you will love. These include:

• Professions: You have a plethora of options. This ranges from the standard options that World of Warcraft gives us, but also includes:

1. Street pharmacist
   
2. "lady" or "gentleman" of the night (also may be referred to as the office *&^%)
   
3. Widow washer
4. Trash man
5. President

• Character selection : World of Lifecraft houses much more than the 8 classes we are used to . Some of the classes include:

1. Fake whiteboy thugs
2. Arrogant douche bags
   
3. Old people that should not be riding mounts
   
4. Dumb people
   
5. Dumb people who run our country
6. Angry bottoms

• Vendors: Tired of those damn vendors not having a particular item? World of Lifecraft solves this:

1. Walmart
2. Target (Like Walmart, minus douche bags and fake white thugs)
3. Costco
4. Sam's club

• Gear: Tired of that funky garb? Wat to be stylin it up like a G? WOL offers:

1. Gap: For the metro sexual man in you
2. JC Penny: People who like overpriced clothes
3. The Good Will: Caters specifically to Bdub and her 37 illegitimate chillren. JK <3 you Miss V
   

Look for WOL 2. This expansion includes:

• Getting Gkicked IRL

Meet the TI Staff

Say hello to Tiahtoon. She is one of the many, many gnomes that work hard behind the scenes to help make TI work as well as it does.

Tiah spent many years training to become a rogue. She learned the basics from the masters in Bael Modan and she took to it well, but she was unfulfilled.

One day on a harrowing trip to Ironforge, she discovered the Auction House, a most wondrous place with people buying and selling, she spent days, fascinated by the fluctuations of the market and the way gold moved around.

Alas, all her learning did no good, as she had no goods to sell and no gold with which to buy things.

That all changed, when her old friend Minicat from Bael Modan recommended she come work for TI, they would supply her the gold and materials to play the market and in return she would get a sense of purpose in life.

Well, Tiah thought about it, and decided that the real sign was in her name... Tiah could stand for The Infinite Auction House and that was the clincher for her.

Now she spends all her time in Ironforge running between the mailbox and the AH (with some side trips to vendor things people are stupid enough to post on the AH for less than vendor value).

She works tirelessly in the Auction house, she sells guild items that no one wants, she buys up deals whenever she can to make a few extra gold, sells off overstocks in the guild bank and she sets the prices on the raiding goods each week for sale to members at a 70% discount, that her hard work helps subsidize.

We, the editors of the TI Times, thought it was important for the members to start seeing and appreciating the little people who help make this guild what it is.

Naming Names

List of Infinite terms and their meanings:

Doing a "Remen" -- A mistaken pull that looks like it is going to wipe the raid, but actually only kills the puller.

Pulling a "Trill" -- Attacking one of the Hellfire Channelers before the raid is ready and causing a wipe or reset. (Formerly known as Pulling a Mervyn)

Becoming "Mervyn" -- This is when you start a boss fight with either your melee or ranged weapon broken.

A "Skysharra" -- Any mention of sexual innuendo or risque discussion. (Also a state of being horny when your partner is away for a long time.)

"The Blkwidow"- Screaming at your chilren while eating a bucket of fried chicken and scissoring Joslin. All of this occurs while playing.

The "BW" -- Any comment that is mis-pronounced or in such a strange accent or pronunciation that it is unintelligible. (As in, "Sorry say that again, you BWed it")

The "Mckee"- DI(ing) a raid member when a water elemental dies.

Sporting the "Kaistlin"- Tanking in your frost gear even though we killed Hydross 10 minutes ago.

Rocking out the "Helyea"- Dying 19 times on trash because you mash your circle of healing button! WTB MORE COH!!! <3

Kickin' it "Soraxen" Style- Dying immediately after a BR, only to be BR'd yet again!

"Kush"ing it -- Doing it all! Tanking, DPSing, Healing all while directing traffic and breast feeding your baby.

A cold "Wintersborne" -- any evil thought, notion or microphone anomaly that make you sound evil.

There is a comment section below; please add your own.

Whine, whine whine...

"Oh noes... Leg & Merv haven't published in a while!"

"Hey -- get back to writing you slackers!"

"Oh... c'mon, write some more posts on that cool web site."

Yeah, yeah... you all want us to write blog entries -- funny entries about things that are going on in the guild.

But here is the problem... and it is, at least for me, two-fold.

With the exception of BW... you guys have not done ANYTHING worth writing about.

Look, we're not going to write about taking down A'lar or any of the good stuff, we want to write about the DRAMA! The funny! The mis-quotes. Do you know what the funniest thing that has happened lately? Mervyn had to melee Leo on our last attack because he didn't know his bow was broken! And that-- dear friends, is all about ME! I'm not here to write funny stories about me, I'm here to make fun of YOU!

The other problem is BW is my class leader and she gives me lots of great pots & things every week, so I am not going to write about her -- I will leave that for Legarius to do (which he does well.)

So, if you want me write about stuff. Do things! Wipe the raid in a spectacular way. Do something incredibly n00bish. Say something really, really stupid.

You want these magic fingers to do their typing, that's what I need from you.

Now get out there an act like an idiot!

Man, we have been slacking!

Okay, we admit we have really been slacking. There is a plethora of topics scribbled down. I am going to meet with Merv so we can discuss keeping this project running. Remember, if you feel like you have a fantastic story, share it with us. We will post it on this pretty little blog. You should see some new posts by this Friday. Remember, you are all eyes and ears. Send me a pm if you think there is a topic we should write about. Also remember, the more taboo the better!!

Underwear Breathing Smell

There has been an uprise in the amount of main tanks who have contracted Underwater Breathing Syndrome (ubs). One Infinite tank, who we will refer to as Helyea's boyfriend, has developed a secret passion for tiptoeing into his girlfriends room and frightening her. Did I mention that he does this in Victoria's Secret Underwear, and while he is tanking!? Yeah, he is that twisted. Helyea came to me with her problem of Kush stealing her dainties, and we decided that Kush needed some of his own.










So we did just that...

So we finally got around to shaving Acro

After months of seeing matted hair and dingle berries, we finally decided that our ferocious tank needed a shearing. Aided by 29 other guild members, we gave him the closest shave of his life. You won't believe what we discovered...Acro has moobs (Translation: Man Breasts (Translation:boobs))! Calex walked away in shock almost critting her pants, Soraxen went into a corner laughing hysterically, and Lamour sized his knockers against those of our newly "twink" druid.

Shamed of his condition, Acro has decided to leave wow. We can now see him on the Vegas strip and at carnivals displaying his abnormality. Reportedly he keeps them unshaven. We will refer to this as a "Hairy Rack".

I can only wish Acro luck on his future endeavors. BTW sexy skirt!


Note to readers: This is a picture of a drag queen. Usually drag queens are homosexual men who justify their feelings for other men by dressing in womens clothing.

WOW Telestrator

Does your mind wander when Kush goes over a new boss fight? Do the minutiae of the details make you fall asleep on your keyboard?

Well not anymore. Introducing the KUSH-A-STRATOR


Yes -- all your Bosses r belong to us!

Now your raid leader can detail where everyone in the raid needs to be when and where. No more boring explanations of the fight. No more misinterpretation by warlocks who are just too thick to "get it".

And all of this for only 5,000 gold!

Please send gold to MERVYN -- thats M E R V Y N. Note not valid where not applicable. Ne refunds or exchanges. Not guaranteed to work in Azeroth, Outland, or any instances attached to those lands. Please send all complaints to blkwidow. Thats B L K W I D O W.

Thank you for your interest.

Hawt Pally Love!

I have been following a recent love affair for the past few weeks.

Two Paladins, both alike in dignity,
In fair Warcraft , where we lay our scene,
From Ancient Prejudice breaks to new mutiny


Sengen and Donaga have always been great friends, and really great paladins to boot. However, what I have witnessed is much more...

In a recent trip to SSC, Sengen realized his secret love for Donaga was unnatural in the Paladin world (...not so uncommon in the gnome world). In an attempt to cleanse himself from his feelings, he decided that a trip down an elevator shaft would prove most effective. In a bizarre twist to this modern day love tale, instead of taking his life, Donaga rezzed his Pally friend. After a brief "manly" hug and some whispers... (most of which my microphone could not pick up because of Calex's crit macro) they resumed their positions in the raid. Seriously, one more crit, and I might jump down that shaft.

Anyways, I caught up with Bdub at a later time, and she said, "...Sengen kinda skips along." Well we all know who wears the pants in that relationship! Sengen's long time lover and wife did not have anything to say to these recent allegations but I have heard rumors that she is paid big time gold to keep his cover. I will be following this story very closely!

UPDATE!!!: While browsing the internet for ... ummm... a research paper... yeah that's it.. I stumbled across something that proved my theory correct. After acknowledging that I was 21..heh... I proceeded to enter two new websites.. 2pallies1cup.com and even saw pics of our favorite Pallies in "Pallies gone wild" series 2 and 7; Oops I forgot my Bubble, and OH! Turn on your Crusader Aura, respectively. Wow guys! just wow!

Introducing your writing staff

The n00b and the loot whore.

Last night I wiped the raid. In Mags, all buffed up and ready to go. Just needed the tanks in place.

I was anxious... I was keyed up... I was ready to go.

I played with my scroll wheel... and then disaster struck.

You see, my scroll wheel is a little different. Sure, you scroll it back and it moves the camera back; However, you scroll it forward and it starts my shot rotation macro.

Oops... yeah... I screwed the pooch on that one. In my defense I will say that I had not targeted the mob and that there is a a little quirk in the game right now where Hunter shot sequence macros are automatically picking up targets... but I knew about this little bug and still played with my scroll wheel.

As penance for my boneheaded move I will be paying a fine of 100 gold to the Guild Bank. And I think that anyone who pulls such a n00bish move as I did should consider a donation to the guild bank as a mea culpa.

As for my co-contributor, well all I know is that before I signed off he took all the loot from the High King, he probably ninja'ed all the stuff from Gruul too.

Edit: As for my ranking on the n00b scale... I would think it pretty high, but I will leave it to Legarius to decide my final fate.

The n00b Meter -- Teleport FTW!

I think it needs to mentioned here, maybe even shouted from the mountain top?

But a strange occurrence happened to our Raid Leader last night in Tempest Keep.

As we were getting ready far an attempt at A'lar our illustrious RL, Azazer, said.

"Why am I in Ironforge?"

Why indeed? Well, I'm just guessing here, but I would guess that he somehow triggered a spell called, "Teleport:Ironforge" or something like that... but I'm just a lowly hunter, so I may have the spell name wrong.

None the less -- this starts our new feature called "The n00b meter"(TM) Where n00bish acts are rated on a 1 to 10 scale.

For yesterdays gaffe, Az earns a 6.8 on The n00b Meter

BEHOLD!

The Powerful Gnomes of The Infinite!

And their Night Elf Master!

(And a boomkin that ruins the effect)

OMG Calex /flashed me

I believe this speaks for itself. Calex's flashes are so big and distracting. When you see them crit in your face, you just go ga ga. I swear, I need to get some bigger... mine just are not cutting it! I mean wow, how does she not over heal like by a bizillion!! Pervs!


Wow, I Google image melons, and this is what pops up. What the hell is this world coming to?! I really wanted some damn fruit!

Kevman is a what!?

Virgin. Yes, our sous tank (food on the mind) revealed a softer, squishier side in last nights raid. He is in fact.....bum ba dom..... A loot virgin. When two epic thrown items dropped in last nights raid, he forced himself from going too far. He had hit first base only once with a pair of T4 shoulders, but he just wasn't ready for the big leagues. That thrown weapon looked softly into his eves and moaned his name, but it was not going to happen. Most may frown upon this act and in the words of a great fellow, "You will never get any (loot) if you keep holding out." Forget what they say Kev, I applaud you. Mostly because I won't be getting any either... well at least for the next month and a half!

Just remember this, and everything will be okay: "It is not the size of the rod, but how you use the worm" ... "just make sure you don't get a bite on the first cast. That would be pretty sad"


You are not the only one who came up short Kev. Perhaps Mervyn has some defending to do...

Pronunkseeation? and Child Labor Laws

Let me set one thing straight. I am not a good spellerer, and in fact... I don't even follow many grammar or English composition guidelines. I think I may have found my long lost mother who abandoned me in that cold, smelly Mickey D's dumpster.

Blkwidow is the proud mother of two children. She is the epitome of what I would call a great mom. She chains her kids up in the basement to farm for hours, and even admitted to some sort of evil "chart" in which she monitors their progress. IF you miss your chores, or don't farm enough, you get an X by your name. Get one X, and you don't have lunch money FOR THE WHOLE YEAR!!! In her defense, Helyea, an epic priest, said, "Children enjoy doing those things. You know, I have children begging to clean my boards and clean tables." I don't know what you are slipping into their chocolate milks at lunch Miss Helyea, but I can assure you it is not FDA approved. Reports have even been made that she drugs her long time boyfriend into submission thinking that pajamas from his momma are the leetest Christmas gift. EVEN THE ONES WITH THE LITTLE FOOTIES! ZOMG!!

Back to our topic at hand. Bdub may not have the best pronunciation, but how would you speak if you only had one snaggletooth!
Note to reader: Those are not really Bdub's teeth, or any "real" teeth for that matter. IF they were, that would be just creepy!

H.A.D.R.

Mervyn here.

Yes I'm forming the new committee "Hunters against Drunk Raiding".

It seems last night someone... even worse, some hunter -- but a dwarf hunter so not a real hunter, came to the raid a little worse for drink and started firing into people's backs while we were trying to take down Tidewalker.

Sure we all thought his little outburst were funny... until people started dying.

Sure we got Tidewalker down after he got there... but then... oh lord. Then came the moment of regret. Rock bottom, driving off the cliff - he made a joke bid during LOOT!

ZOMG!

The accusations flew, chairs were smashed in two there was blood and a single gun shot, but just who shot who? At the copa... sorry forgot myself there.

My not-so-anonymous friend, we love you. You apologized quite profusely and you are forgiven (well at least by me). Just, you know, ease up on the booze if you think you may be joining the raid!

And that goes for everyone! H.A.D.R. is on the task and we will be after you, taking away your weapons and Mis-directing MoBs to you if we feel you are a little worse for wear.

"Shadow Priests never run out of mana"

One of our fellow guildies decided that healing is for the lame and DPS incompetent. In a recent interview with Mummrah, he explained how he used the internet and hormones to change his appearance from the friendly healing dwarf, to an evil satanic shadow priest. This could not have been more false. Our little naive friend found himself not only with a bum spec, but with mind flay (rank 1). While he thought he was kickin' ass and takin' names, he was actually only tickling his foes with his lame pew pew lazerz! Upon discovery of his noobness, Mummrah begged to go train. For his punishment, I made him zap his foes with rank 1 until the raid was over. He finished 8th that night, only beating our two healers. Note to noobs... When you re-spec, make sure you retrain. I don't think we will be seeing much of Mummrah. His last spotting was at a local drag show.

Moral of the story: You don't win with a roll of 99. Fellesa will beat you.

Suspicious sounds coming from Acroyear

Raids have definitely been a pleasurable experience for all of us. However, there is one wow couple that has taken this to a whole new level. Guild leaders Acroyear and Calex have taken the joys of raiding to a whole new extreme.

"Suspicious sounds have always been coming from Acro's mic" says friend and former guild mate Shadowseker (LRN2SPELL) "... and I thought nothing of it." Well maybe you are too much of a prude to care, but I know that I am turned on by those frequent moans over vent. When the topic was addressed Calex, our lovable heal bot, finally revealed her secret fetish in which she and her man share. Unplugging and plugging back in appliances. Wow talk about a huge jolt to their love life. I sure do love people that flirt with danger!

Fishing for Lurker... uh huh...

Fishing for Lurker has proven to be a real quickie. One jerk of Kushtanks "fishing pole" made the fishy fiend erupt from the depths below. According to the macho main tank, he has been practicing every night. Recently seen in Azeroth with his hands in his pants he ejaculates, " WHAT!? I WAS ONLY GETTING A LURE." I've got my eyes on you Kushtank. I'm watching you really close... especially those ripped elf abs......

Butter Nipples and Joslin's nuts, oh my!

Blkwidow must be tired of Uncle Mike's nuts, and had to move on to bigger and saltier. In a recent raid, she admitted that she has an unhealthy obsession with "picking up Joslin's nuts". Apparently this has turned into a recent hobby and further proves that her children must be chained up in the basement only allowed to see the light of day when they are going to school or farming for mommy!

Apparently the same crazy country mother (who we will protect by calling Miss Vanessa) has been doing unspeakable acts with butter and dare I say it... nipples. She was heard yelling on ventrilo "Joslin better keep off of my butter nipple." I don't know what kind of filthy, unheard of sexual acts they are performing, but I want a DVD copy of it. Remember guys, sex sells. You could upgrade that trailer to a double-wide!!