OMG Calex /flashed me

I believe this speaks for itself. Calex's flashes are so big and distracting. When you see them crit in your face, you just go ga ga. I swear, I need to get some bigger... mine just are not cutting it! I mean wow, how does she not over heal like by a bizillion!! Pervs!


Wow, I Google image melons, and this is what pops up. What the hell is this world coming to?! I really wanted some damn fruit!

Kevman is a what!?

Virgin. Yes, our sous tank (food on the mind) revealed a softer, squishier side in last nights raid. He is in fact.....bum ba dom..... A loot virgin. When two epic thrown items dropped in last nights raid, he forced himself from going too far. He had hit first base only once with a pair of T4 shoulders, but he just wasn't ready for the big leagues. That thrown weapon looked softly into his eves and moaned his name, but it was not going to happen. Most may frown upon this act and in the words of a great fellow, "You will never get any (loot) if you keep holding out." Forget what they say Kev, I applaud you. Mostly because I won't be getting any either... well at least for the next month and a half!

Just remember this, and everything will be okay: "It is not the size of the rod, but how you use the worm" ... "just make sure you don't get a bite on the first cast. That would be pretty sad"


You are not the only one who came up short Kev. Perhaps Mervyn has some defending to do...

Pronunkseeation? and Child Labor Laws

Let me set one thing straight. I am not a good spellerer, and in fact... I don't even follow many grammar or English composition guidelines. I think I may have found my long lost mother who abandoned me in that cold, smelly Mickey D's dumpster.

Blkwidow is the proud mother of two children. She is the epitome of what I would call a great mom. She chains her kids up in the basement to farm for hours, and even admitted to some sort of evil "chart" in which she monitors their progress. IF you miss your chores, or don't farm enough, you get an X by your name. Get one X, and you don't have lunch money FOR THE WHOLE YEAR!!! In her defense, Helyea, an epic priest, said, "Children enjoy doing those things. You know, I have children begging to clean my boards and clean tables." I don't know what you are slipping into their chocolate milks at lunch Miss Helyea, but I can assure you it is not FDA approved. Reports have even been made that she drugs her long time boyfriend into submission thinking that pajamas from his momma are the leetest Christmas gift. EVEN THE ONES WITH THE LITTLE FOOTIES! ZOMG!!

Back to our topic at hand. Bdub may not have the best pronunciation, but how would you speak if you only had one snaggletooth!
Note to reader: Those are not really Bdub's teeth, or any "real" teeth for that matter. IF they were, that would be just creepy!

H.A.D.R.

Mervyn here.

Yes I'm forming the new committee "Hunters against Drunk Raiding".

It seems last night someone... even worse, some hunter -- but a dwarf hunter so not a real hunter, came to the raid a little worse for drink and started firing into people's backs while we were trying to take down Tidewalker.

Sure we all thought his little outburst were funny... until people started dying.

Sure we got Tidewalker down after he got there... but then... oh lord. Then came the moment of regret. Rock bottom, driving off the cliff - he made a joke bid during LOOT!

ZOMG!

The accusations flew, chairs were smashed in two there was blood and a single gun shot, but just who shot who? At the copa... sorry forgot myself there.

My not-so-anonymous friend, we love you. You apologized quite profusely and you are forgiven (well at least by me). Just, you know, ease up on the booze if you think you may be joining the raid!

And that goes for everyone! H.A.D.R. is on the task and we will be after you, taking away your weapons and Mis-directing MoBs to you if we feel you are a little worse for wear.

"Shadow Priests never run out of mana"

One of our fellow guildies decided that healing is for the lame and DPS incompetent. In a recent interview with Mummrah, he explained how he used the internet and hormones to change his appearance from the friendly healing dwarf, to an evil satanic shadow priest. This could not have been more false. Our little naive friend found himself not only with a bum spec, but with mind flay (rank 1). While he thought he was kickin' ass and takin' names, he was actually only tickling his foes with his lame pew pew lazerz! Upon discovery of his noobness, Mummrah begged to go train. For his punishment, I made him zap his foes with rank 1 until the raid was over. He finished 8th that night, only beating our two healers. Note to noobs... When you re-spec, make sure you retrain. I don't think we will be seeing much of Mummrah. His last spotting was at a local drag show.

Moral of the story: You don't win with a roll of 99. Fellesa will beat you.

Suspicious sounds coming from Acroyear

Raids have definitely been a pleasurable experience for all of us. However, there is one wow couple that has taken this to a whole new level. Guild leaders Acroyear and Calex have taken the joys of raiding to a whole new extreme.

"Suspicious sounds have always been coming from Acro's mic" says friend and former guild mate Shadowseker (LRN2SPELL) "... and I thought nothing of it." Well maybe you are too much of a prude to care, but I know that I am turned on by those frequent moans over vent. When the topic was addressed Calex, our lovable heal bot, finally revealed her secret fetish in which she and her man share. Unplugging and plugging back in appliances. Wow talk about a huge jolt to their love life. I sure do love people that flirt with danger!

Fishing for Lurker... uh huh...

Fishing for Lurker has proven to be a real quickie. One jerk of Kushtanks "fishing pole" made the fishy fiend erupt from the depths below. According to the macho main tank, he has been practicing every night. Recently seen in Azeroth with his hands in his pants he ejaculates, " WHAT!? I WAS ONLY GETTING A LURE." I've got my eyes on you Kushtank. I'm watching you really close... especially those ripped elf abs......

Butter Nipples and Joslin's nuts, oh my!

Blkwidow must be tired of Uncle Mike's nuts, and had to move on to bigger and saltier. In a recent raid, she admitted that she has an unhealthy obsession with "picking up Joslin's nuts". Apparently this has turned into a recent hobby and further proves that her children must be chained up in the basement only allowed to see the light of day when they are going to school or farming for mommy!

Apparently the same crazy country mother (who we will protect by calling Miss Vanessa) has been doing unspeakable acts with butter and dare I say it... nipples. She was heard yelling on ventrilo "Joslin better keep off of my butter nipple." I don't know what kind of filthy, unheard of sexual acts they are performing, but I want a DVD copy of it. Remember guys, sex sells. You could upgrade that trailer to a double-wide!!